BridesmaidAid.com to the rescue!!!

Check out these stories from Bridesmaids in Hell!

" I was the MOH in my sister’s wedding. We had ordered our bridesmaid dresses approximately eight months in advance. When the dresses came in two months before the wedding, I had gained approximately 5-10 pounds and the dress wouldn’t even zip up. I went on a crash diet and not only lost that extra weight, but a little more. The dress my sister had chosen was a halter top dress with snap at the top and a pretty low back, so a bra was not permitted. I had to wear actual band aids. When the bride turned around from her walk to the unity candle, I bent over to fix her dress. The halter top popped open, my dress went down to my waist, and I flashed the preacher and the video camera, which was located at the top of the chapel facing down. I grabbed my dress, went to the corner of the stage, still completely in sight and buttoned myself back up. The congregation would not stop laughing and we had to wait for a good five minutes before continuing. True story. (The camera malfunctioned due to one of my brothers not turning on the right switch and I was saved from being on America’s Funniest Home Videos.)"

B. Miller, 27, Tulsa, OK

"In the '60s I was commandeered to be MOH for a friend whose best friend, at the last moment, could not make it. My friend was very cute and petite. I on the other hand was a 'strapping lass' as my grandfather would say. The dress was a new style with a folded under hem - very puffy with even puffier sleeves...not my best look. I knew my friend was not happy with me as a replacement and in my stress I developed a huge monster zit right between my eyes! It seemed to be a living thing that throbbed and itched! At the rehearsal, the bride saw it and screamed "What is that thing between your eyes! Get rid of it!" I, being ashamed, immediately went home and performed minor sugary on the hated pustule. The day of the wedding, the bride would not look at me. Maybe it was because the pancake makeup (to hide the zit) had run or because my eyes were slits! The moral of the story is; (as I tell my kids) never, never pick your face BUT you can pick your friends....just make sure they're true friends."

Karren R., age 60+, Santa Rosa, CA

"Well I wasn't the bridesmaid but my former husband was best man. It was a super-hot summer day in the Midwest. Thunder, lightening, the whole deal. No air conditioning in sight. The groom, a very short-tempered man, punched a hole in the wall of the room he was hanging out in before the wedding because the minister was late. The bride literally fell apart at the altar and sobbed through the entire ceremony without the benefit of a tissue or handkerchief. She had snot hanging from her nose to her chest! Those in attendance were agog. My then-husband had to practically tie himself in knots in order to avoid laughing. The marriage lasted 6 months. She had an affair with a co-worker. Then my husband did the same. Bah--weddings. Who needs em?"

Anonymous

" A seamstress took our bridesmaid dress measurements nine months prior to the wedding. On the Big Day, the skirt fit great, but the top was made for someone the size of 2 year-old. The lace-up corset would not close! The coordinator asked me to remove the padding in my bra! What padding? The ceremony was set to begin in an hour and I was half naked! I did the only thing possible: I laced that corset so tight I felt the air leave my diaphragm. I could only breathe quick shallow breaths. My face and chest were all red and that only accentuated the melons popping out over the top. At the wedding, I couldn't sit, eat, or breathe. Finally, I told my boyfriend of my distress and we went to a stall in the men's room where he tried to get me out of that contraption! He tried for about 10 minutes as I kept screaming "Stop it, it's too tight! It hurts! You're doing it wrong! Let me try!" Guests were standing outside laughing; I later found out that it had gotten around at the reception that we were having sex in the men's bathroom. Finally I got out of the top and wore my boyfriend's suit jacket the rest of the night. For the rest of the night I and boogied down in my skirt and jacket and nothing else!

Sandra P., age 29, Los Angeles, CA

" I happily accepted the invitation to be bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. I knew she'd pick a classy dress for us so I wasn't worried. Well, I didn't bank on her stepmom choosing our gowns. I was in a royal blue taffeta dress with TWO petticoats. One of my duties was to sing as they walked back down the aisle as husband and wife, which wasn't a real problem, except her nephew (the ring bearer) was playing behind me and ran under my massive skirt. He lifted it up, exposing my underwear to the church and screaming at the top of his lungs, 'SHUT UP! SING BARNEY!' Well that was definitely not the ending to the ceremony my friend had hoped for."

Kristin S., age 20, Aurora, Colorado

"I was MOH to a friend whose intended had just been released from prison after serving a 4-year sentence for B&E's with violence. The wedding was at his probation officer's house. The day of the wedding poured with rain and we gathered at the house for the wedding. There I met the best man who was my escort. He was a convicted murderer the groom had met in prison, and just been released after serving 22 years. After the ceremony the "reception" was held at the local beerhall. We had beer and peanuts- that was it. My friend and I excused ourselves and drove home as fast as we could. Sadly the bride explained to me that marrying him was 'her last chance at happiness.' I don't think so!"

Anonymous, Vancouver, Canada

"When my friend married in the seventies, she had a very small, informal wedding. The other bridesmaid and I wore everyday dresses which were, of course, extremely short. Unfortunately, someone took a photo of me as I jumped and reached up to catch the bouquet. I - and my everyday underwear - are now preserved for posterity in their wedding photo album!"

Linda N., New Orleans, LA

"It was the week that Richard Nixon resigned and I was the MOH at my cousin's wedding. If I had known then what I know now, I would have happily traded places with Nixon. The weather was oppressively hot. The ceremony was set for 5 p.m., but as instructed, I was at the bride's house at 1p.m., dressed and ready for church. Surely, thought I, they want to feed me and give me something to drink--I had not eaten since breakfast. WRONG. Instead, they tortured me with a baby's breath bouquet jammed into my head like a crown of thorns which gave me a headache. There was no food or drink anywhere in sight. I walked down the aisle, with that stupid bridesmaid grin pasted on my face, hungry, thirsty and distracted by the headache, and had to stand in the hot, still air of the church. Just as they were exchanging the "I do's", I passed out cold. The father of the groom (my uncle) rushed over and caught me just before I hit the floor. The whole congregation was distracted while my uncle dragged me to a pew and pushed my head down, to get the blood back into my brain. None of the guests heard anything said by the bride or groom. Everyone was too busy staring at me, as I humiliated myself. The happy couple is divorced now. I don't need a "bridesmaid" kit. I am almost 50 and have the good sense to turn down any future invitations for this type of foolishness. If I am a 50th contributor, please send my gift to a charity for homeless bridesmaids."

Lorna P., age fortysomething, Vancouver, Canada

"I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding and we had gorgeous Watters and Watters gowns that cost a pretty penny. Well, after the reception as the bride and groom were riding off in their limo, the best man and I made a mad dash for the honeymoon suite to decorate it with candles and rose petals. We set the lights low, turned on some soft music, and ran a bubble bath. Our plan was to leave the suite through the upstairs door just as they were coming in the downstairs door. My last job was to turn off the bath at the last minute so it would remain nice and warm. Everything was set to go and we were running right on time. However, just as I was turning off the bath, I smelled something burning. It was me! The bonehead best man left a burning candle on floor right by the bathtub and my gorgeous dress caught on fire and we had to hurry and put it out and get rid of the burnt smell before they caught us in the room. We made it out just in time- the best man with a sheepish grin on his face, and me with a huge whole in the bottom of my gown.""

Jen J., age 24, Washington, DC

"I was maid of honour in a large bridal party. Four bridesmaids and a 'rainbow' theme. We each had a different coloured mini dress, featuring a full skirt that just covered our bottoms and a big pussycat bow tied behind the neck. You can imagine the fighting that ensued over the colour each girl felt looked best on her. As Maid of Honour, I considered myself too adult to fight and consequently ended up wearing the lemon yellow dress. Not normally a problem, except I am a redhead with very sallow skin. So... in order not to look too bad, I got the fake tan bottle out and slathered myself from head to toe. Red hair, yellow dress and orange skin really don't look too crash hot. The wedding was 7 years ago and strangely, the photos have never been available for me to see."

Danielle, age 34, Perth, Australia

"Four years ago when my best friend Jennifer got married, I cheerfully agreed to be her maid of honor. Her wedding was in the fall (which is still quite warm in Texas) and it was to be an outdoor ceremony on the lake shore. It was a lovely wedding, with fall leaves scattered for a natural outdoors effect. However, after walking down the aisle and taking my appointed place, I began to feel a stinging sensation around my ankles. As the vows were being recited, the stinging got worse, then became excruciating. I subtly looked down and noticed that my "appointed place" was right in a bed of fire ants!!! I somehow managed to grin and bear it, because it was my friend's big day after all. But thank GOD it was a short ceremony. Needless to say,I now remind my friend about how much I went through for her!"

Sherry S., age 30, Eastland, TX

"I was a maid of honor at a friend's wedding. The dresses were true to the standard (horribly ugly) but you can't criticize an absolutely stressed-out bride. The dress had a black and gold brocade top and three layers of black netting full length skirt, with a cheap layer of lining fabric underneath. There was one other bridesmaid. We both consumed a lot of champagne, but luckily, I can hold my wine quite well. The other bridesmaid paused during one dance to flip her skirt up, and I guess forgot how high she flipped. Her brilliantly striped undies were photographed by all. You know that scene in "Animal House" where they're at the Toga party? The music gets quieter and you crouch down on the floor? The other bridesmaid attempted this, completely blasted on about a magnum of champagne, and she was dancing right in front of me. She crouched lower and lower, and suddenly, she fell over, but not before she made a grab at my three layers of cheap net and tore the entire skirt off!"

Dianne P., age 35, Port Orchard, WA

We want to hear YOUR bridesmaid horror story!

Send your story to Penelope@BridesmaidAid.com and we may print it here! (Please include your full name, age, and city or town. If your story is truly dreadful, you may use an alias or request anonymity. Submissions may be edited for clarity). The author of every fiftieth submission we receive will win a free BridesmaidAid kit, containing bridesmaid essentials such as bobby pins, breath mints, and clear nail polish!